Do you know how hard it is to blog consistently when you don't have the internet? Let's just say it's not easy. I've found myself writing my thoughts down on receipt tape and paper bags at work to keep them from spilling out of my mouth and to an untrustable ear. It's been a rollercoaster lately. I have a job and many people in the country, or world, are without one. So I am thankful for that but I have been wondering how temporary that situation is going to be. I have to pay $300 to get back in school and graduate plus I have run out of loan options. I'm not really sure what practical things I can do to fix this problem; for now I'm just resorting to believing like those people in the Disney movies that everything will work out. What did Belle do to save the Beast? I need to go back and rewatch those movies. Maybe they can show me how to persevere.

There are lots of thoughts floating through my head and they've been there for a while now so I'm trying to do a big purge before I leave home to return to my apartment that has no internet connection. My second biggest bundle of thoughts that have been going through my head has been whether to commit to a long term relationship with my boyfriend. I love him and am very thankful for the support he has given me lately; I just don't know how to tell if the situation he'll be in for the long term is one that's healthy for me. He has no job, no car, and it doesn't appear that he will be getting back into school this coming semester. I am willing to stick it out because I believe in him but I do want to be sure that I am doing what's best for me. I don't want to come around in the future and find that it was a mistake. I like to avoid those when I can. I'm sure some people would just like to enjoy the ride and then get off when they're tired of it but that's not how I function. I like to know what is the smartest choice as early as I can. I believe that if he had the right tools he would succeed, but getting those tools is his block. He doesn't have a family with money or even credit to get a car to get him to a job. I went to visit his mother's place and she didn't even have living room furniture. The bed she and his 2 sisters slept on was a mattress on the floor and their TV was on a milk crate. So, with that said, I think it stands to reason that he is on his own in getting a car. These are all signs that the people surrounding me believe are red flags that should tell me to run but I just don't know that I feel right about leaving him simply because he is poor. He has treated me with such kindness and helps around the house. That is more than I can say for my last boyfriend. He has been so patient with me as I worked through my issues with men and with deep down stuff that just pops up and wreaks havoc on my heart and mind. How do you leave someone like that? It feels like once in a lifetime love. And should he feel this way about me for forever I would be giving up a constant companion. How many people in today's rising rate of divorcing couples can say that they have someone who is this supportive? I think it's few and far between. So my question is when do logistics and practicality take precedence over love and patient support?